Hell 4am... We look good together!

Hello, 4am. I haven't missed you but I do think we look quite good together. Going to bed at 9pm and getting up at 4am may be on my new list of things to do, however wee man if you are reading this and want to sleep til 7 totally uninterrupted that is TOTALLY fine by this mama. But if you don't its no surprise here your daddy has sleep issues too. I needed a few minutes to plop some thoughts down anyway. 

My family is stressed. My aunt who has been battling cancer basically her entire life is on the verge of entering heaven. We all thought it would have been days ago but as a typical Hagen she is still here! Her kidney's shut down last week but she is such a fighter, my mom who I consider the death angel in a good way is there. She told me at 4:15am it wouldn't be long. For my aunt's sake I hope it isn't long, I can't imagine her world right now. I like to think she is arguing with God saying "Look God, I am NOT ready. Send me back down" but I think God is telling her "You're body is ready, come home" at least I hope that is how the conversation goes. I imagine she is cussing a storm and stomping her feet, her personality true to the core. I can feel tears welling up as I write this. Cancer runs thick in my family, its taken A LOT of them to heaven a little too soon. Esophageal Cancer, is what runs the thickest through the bloodlines, it hits both male and females and has now hit my dad. I love my dad. I mean like I have a new and different appreciation for my dad. Growing up was tough we battled A LOT. I was rebellious and stubborn and obnoxious, my dad was tough, determined and a believer in who I was not going to be. I never made his fears come true, I am thankful for that. I probably could have but for reason they didn't. Instead after I turned about 25, was engaged, soon to be married we hit a smooth patch. One that has made me love every single minute I spend with my dad. I so love watching him interact with my son and my husband and myself. I love seeing him and my brothers have conversations over politics although I am learning we hardly see anything the same politically. I always thought I was a DIE HARD conservative. I come from a DIE HARD CONSERVATIVE family. If we could have Rush Limbaugh to Christmas dinner my dad would be in heaven. Forget the rest of us, he and Rush have things to discuss! :-), I could do with out Rush. I see so much of myself in my dad and so much of my husband in my dad - they do say that you marry someone like your father. I did. But, in so many of the ways that they both make me crazy, I could just squeeze and hold on to them forever. I see my dad in my son, everyday. My son and my dad, they look to antagonize others, sometimes I do the same. I work on it. It's not the best way to be. My dad is standing in the door way as his second sister, second to youngest sister is taken away from us by cancer. He is in his last two weeks of Chemo, he has been so sick, and yet he still brought me a little Valentine's Day present. Whether he meant for it to be a Valentine's Day present or not it was. Cookbooks, "real home cooking for real people not this creme brulee crap that no one eats but real food for real people" and I decided if I ever do a cookbook that is what I am going to call it! "Real Food for Real People". Oh, that makes me smile. My dad is the cook in the family, I need to spend a day making his recipes, learning his way. I never had an interest in cooking before, now I am addicted. I love the smells it creates, the smiles it brings to my friends faces as they take a bite of something delicious and the way it makes me feel. I love it when someone asks "is this from scratch?" why yes it is or  "Did you make this?!?" Why yes I did! I had a friend growing up and she was always the chef, she is still is. That girl can cook. But she makes weird shit (Sorry Lil Moore) but its true in my book. The weird shit is always AMAZING but its weird. I am just trying to cook what's good for my family. What will make them happy and keep their bellies full. I hear kids sleep longer if they have full bellies, I so hope that is true! 

Damn 5:17 doesn't look or feel as good as 4am. Guess I better bust out and get some stuff done while my house is quiet and I can! 

Slacking it up!

I have been slacking it up! I'm sorry. I just haven't had ten seconds! But I am BACKKKKKK! Tot School this week has been AMAZING! We have been having so much fun! I think my favorite time of the day is circle time, watch the kiddo's all sit together, watching each other watching us singing songs and clapping just makes it all worth while! The big kids are doing an AWESOME job helping out and reminding the little ones to stay close! I can tell my little guy is really exploding from this opportunity as his language is making leaps and bounds! We've been doing some fun stuff, we popped out to the Museum of Transportation which was  HUGE HIT! I mean two crying, stomping their feet little boys when it was time to go. Just like I like em'! 

I don't have a ton to write because I am getting a date night... Yes mama's did you hear that a night out with my husband ALONE! Oh dear Lord, whatever shall we do! Well let me tell you it will include a LONG hot shower (BY MYSELF with out my little on banging on the door, swinging open the shower curtain or knocking over every bottle in the shower), Dinner at my FAVORITE restaurant in town Chimichangas (I know I am easy to please!) and bed by roughly 10pm to SLEEP solid til I wake up tomorrow! I haven't slept through the night solid in 3 weeks WOOT WOOT!!! Tot School has been busy and changing. I have taken on a co teacher and will be doing an LLC and getting state certified! I never do anything half way I don't know why I ever think for a second I would! Anyway, last week we made Valentine's for our friends, painted with cars (which when the tell you to use a Ziploc bag, listen!), did a sensory box with dried hashbrowns, and snuck out to a local park! We have completed our C is for Cars work and will be moving on to E is for Earth Day!